muah funky wunky life!!!!!

so long...and goodnight

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 20:47:09 GMT

"thank you for curing me of my RIDICULOUS obsession with love..."

idiot box

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 00:44:03 GMT

well ive recently discovered ALL my smartness i USED to seem to have is GONE...POOF!!!! just like that! and it's really kinda depressing!

i mean i thought if u weren't smart you had to be at least PRETTY! people can kinda make an exception for a pretty girl...who just doesnt seem to know anything! but ive also recently discovered (from my parents no less) that my last hope of being a little bit at all attractive to ANYBODY is also GONE!!! my parents gave me this long talk about how i'm gaining too much weight and i need to start dieting and stuff...and theyre right, im FAAAAAAT! im not even gonna fancy it up, lol. and nobody likes a fatty! i mean maybe a guy can get by with some chub now and then (*caugh*gerard*caugh*) but most def not girls!

i need a helmet STAT! before i hurt myself!!!!!!!!

$$$$$$$$$

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 20:00:32 GMT

so the classic teen angst story...i need MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

i went shopping this weekend...and even though i got really awesome deals and stuff i blew ALL OF MY allowance! (i get $25 every TWO weekes) and even emptied out my credit card, lol...not that i had much on there ANYWAYS. but i really did need some new clothes...it was an emergency situation, i mean holes in teh crotch of yo pants is an EMERGENCY situation right!?!?!

and NOW...concerts are speeding apun us! theres alakline trio...which ashley said she could gimme a ride if i get a ticket, and then theres warped tour...which is VERY IMPORTANT to go to!!!!! lol.

and of course i SHOULD b saving all of my money for when i go to europe...but for some reason its just NOT POSSIBLE! I MUST SPEND IT!!!! ahhhhhhhh! so frustrating...

whatever and ever...amen....

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 22:16:58 GMT

"Do you never rest
fighting the battle
of who could care less
unearned unhappiness
that's alright I guess..."

i guess im going to stop writing in my livejournal...
its a place i thought i could be totally honest, like any journal, and just vent for a little bit to myself...but things are taken the wrong way and people can get upset...
all i ever wanted was to be happy...but now i'm so far from it, and i have nowhere to turn (especially writing).
so i guess its the end...

DNE EHT

the julie diaries

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 06:02:24 GMT

i kinda feel like my friends...well the friends that have been my friends the longest...pretty much hate me, which is pretty confusing cuz we've been friends for how long and now they act like they cant even stand for me to b there, but i have to be because its the common courtesy and theyre too scared to actually say they dont want me there....

the only people who ever really relate to me or understand me anymore are like the friends i just met this year...and its really weird. i love them, and i feel like i can just have fun w/ them, and then theyre always there for me wen i need to tlk and somehow they always no wat im goin through... but then i feel guilty like im abandoning my OTHER friends...but in a way theyve already abandoned me...

i still love having them as friends, and i would never want to like "replace" them....i just wish they could be more open about things...it jsut seems like whenever one of them is unhappy they just hide it until it like totally breaks out in a baaaad way! communication is a GOOD thing!...but i just feel kinda scared to tlk to any of them about any problems because it usually like stirs everything up and then theres just all this chaos and fighting...its really horrible.

i just want things to be okay...and i just want to be happy with the people i hang out with and for them to be happy with me....if thats possible...

lay me down on a bed of nails

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 22:27:02 GMT

arg...im so sad...in less than an hour the SNO-CORE tour will COMMENCE! and...i wont b there. this is just depressing. chevelle and strata are so CLOSE...but i am not allowed to b there WITH them!!!!!!!!! i am sick to my stomach at the though!

theyre determined to break me...and im only so flexible

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 22:42:05 GMT

i really hate how i always do wat im supposed to...kids my age are supposed to rebel against everything theire parents tell them to do! and yet i let my parents make my every life decision. if they dont approve of certain friends or boys or actions, i slowly edge away from them...and i hate that!!! and now their even putting their opinion in w/ things like music and how i dress and how i eat...the few things i had control over im slowly handing over to them. even if i say i wont let them change wat i do....they will....subconciously i no i need their approval to b happy with anything, even if wat they want makes me UNHAPPY! its a terrible cycle...and i have no way to break it

let it bleed

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 03:32:49 GMT

im afraid of death....but even more afraid of this life as alternative...

the first night out....that is w/o hangin with my parents....IN FOREVER!

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 06:34:53 GMT

tonight...was my FIRST official night out since...well like two months now! i always go out w/ my mom..and she usually brings allie. but thats not the same. i MISS alla my friends and it was nice. i was gonna ask somebody to come but of course this person is NEVER home to get in touch with...ooooh well!
we had fun though...DEWEYS! dude i havent had pizza there in FOREVER! the green lantern KIX BOOTAH! wat now bizznatch!?! the movie was alright....while we were waitin for al's mom i danced around in the streets and tried to jump over those yellow cement pole thingys (yes very difficult!!!)

my doctor says im fattening up!...ima like starve on tofu and wheat rice...and just drink water for like ten million months, lol...ILL SHOW HER!!!! i kept seein lotsa hott guys at the levee...but im not a sexy beast like kt...although i did get one wink (even if he WAS sittin at a table w/ wat i presumed to b his girlfriend, lol) but definately gonna lose weight and b an oober hottie and gets me a mr hottie pants and itll b fun fun for EVERYONE (well maybe not everyone...but fun for me thats for sure!)

*sidenote*
hot topic is OFFICIALLY totally outa my price range! flippin thirty dolla for the BEST mcr shirt in teh world!...but i cant get it cuz im too damn cheap to pay that much! (makes me weep inside, lol) i needta become ona those rich suburban kids who has started to hate the world so rebels againts daddy by using his money for clothes he'll hate, lol. thats the ONLY way ill b able to get my lovely lil shirt!

heartache every moment

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 22:11:23 GMT

my life is an endless cycle of the same day. i just relive everything over and over...and thats it...thats the end, thats how it will b for the REST of my life until i die. i try to find the small things that will keep me going for a little while...but my parents absolutely abhor the thought of me having fun, theyd much rather me sit at home always stressing about EVERYTHING! so this will b my life....

*sidenote*
i was on yahoo today and i went on images and typed in kurt cobain to find wallpapers for my computer...and there...on the first row of pics was the most HORRIBLE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! there were pics from his autopsy, and it showed EVERYTHING! and for those who dont no wat a shotgun can do to a person, ill just say it looked like soemthing from the most aweful and disgusting horror movie ever!!! i dont no wat kind of sick ass people ENJOY looking at this...but it was the worst thing ive ever seen. NOT to mention...do u really thinik ud want millions of people looking at the inside of your bloody skull after you died a horrible death??? probably not...

ahhh the fun of diving meets!!

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 21:22:59 GMT

this weekend has been REALLY interesting! friday i had to go to the levee w/ some people from people to people (my studnet ambassador thingy) so i allie came along...just in case i needed her, lol. and it turns out i definately DID! these were the MOST boring people i had EVER MET!!! but we saw ashley w/ her sis and boyfriend so we pretty much ditched the group and went w/ them! lol. ashely and allie MADE me touch a SNAKE!!!!! im DEATHLY afraid of snakes!!!!!!!!! they pushed me over to where this guy was holdin it and i like immediately started crying and hyperventalating, lol. and then they made me touch it! ahhhhhhhhhh! i dont think i need to explain to u how HORRIFYING that was! after all the people from the group left me and al and my mom went to see phantom of the opera. im so PISSED! i fell asleep right in the middle so now i have NO idea how it ends! grrrrr. haha, and allie said i was tlkin in my sleep.

saturday me and my mom drove down to lexington w/ my team for our dive meet at uk. we went to dinner and then went bowling. OMG the younger kids on the team go SOOOO annoying! and then when we were bowling their ball kept gettin stuck in teh gutter so this guy who worked there had to walk down the lane and get it, and kelsy said that wen he walked by me he like looked me up and down and i was like NUH UH! but then i went to get a drink from the concession and here he comes....and as i look over he SMILES AND WINKS! lol. i was like omg he totally just WINKED! how flippin 80s style of him! haha, he was a cutie though! he kinda had hair like brett and a lil goatee. kelsy and shannon thought he was real ugly though, lol, they kept callin him harry and sasquatch...but theyre more into pretty boys

today was the diving meet and OMG it lasted FOOOOREVER! TOO MANY PEOPLE!

oh yeah! at the levee friday me and al went to hot topic and looked at the cds...and we listened to the ones they had on headfones. we listened to HIM and like FELL IN LOVE! so she bought it and i put it on my computer. IT IS ONA MY NEW FAVS! everybody should listen to HIM! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! its so amazing...his voice is ona the most beautiful things ive ever heard! and its not like any other band! omg....this is the beginning of a very beautiful relationship i can tell!

i let you just a million times i love you even though i know it isnt fair

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 23:07:09 GMT

this week at schools been pretty good...got my report card and i have the first b...its OFFICIAL! and...im pretty okay w/ it. im not spazzing out and stressing like i usually do, so thats always good.

my dive meet this week was like THE BEST ive ever done and i gots real excited! we have an over night meet this weekend at uk...kinda nervous and i dont no if im ready, but this last meet made me feel a bit more confident about it.

other than that theres not too much...
i like a guy...hes really sweet and actually really cute, but for some reason every time he calls me im not home and everytime i get up the nerve to call him hes gone. i just hope its not a sign or something. im kinda scared though too, i just dont want to get hurt anymore in the boy department. im not gettin my hopes up, if something happens awesome, but if not i wont b crushed. we'll just have to see!

our jams in da skoo!

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 23:21:07 GMT

i really really really really really really wanna go see the winterfresh sno-core tour! REALLY REALLY BAD! i think everybody should give me a dollar or two so i can go w/o askin my parents to pay for it so theyll HAVE to say yes! lol. PLEEEEEZ!!!!!!! ill luv u forever!

Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?

Knew you were here,
Sister confirms suspicions,
And beside the note,
You left on my bed
Where I held you so close.
Did you think I'd forget?
Couldn't be more of a mess,
For to breathe,
Used to be another way,
I'd take you in.

Well it's time to wake up,
And separate feelings
That I keep falling into.
Each seem like good reasons,
That I feel a break down,
I don't care if it shows up,
I'm praying this for you,
'Til it's answered I'll say.

Now it seems there's a choice,
That began with a break,
So today,
Know that never again,
Will I know you that way.

Well it's time to wake up,
And separate feelings
That I keep falling into.
Each seem like good reasons,
I'm gonna break down,
I don't care if it shows up,
I'm praying this for you,
'Til it's answered I'll say.

Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?

^^^^^^CHEVELLE SONG IM IN LOVE WITH^^^^^^

why do i still cry?

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 17:55:36 GMT

ive been really confused lately...every second u think u have your mind made up (about ANYTHING) there is ALWAYS something there to make you doubt yourself. and then u wonder if you're doubting yourself because u actually really dont want to make up your mind. i dont no its all very confusing....

i stumbled across a lj today that i really didnt want to read. i dont no why i read it wen i KNEW whos it was...but i couldnt help it. its like i want to no wats going on even if it hurts rather than being out in the dark.

everybody around me seems so happy...and i keep remembering wat it felt like to be happy...its been so fucking long! i cry so much lately, for so many different reasongs....my life shouldnt b like this! where did the fun and carefree days of a teenager go? i used to have that...

"when u think the world has turned its back on you, youve only actually turned your back on the world"
...somethin i read today...thought it applied here

snow days galore!

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 22:21:01 GMT

last night (as we all no) school got cancelled...and allie called like the SECOND she found out, so i was like DUE U SHOULD COME OVER! but she hadta watch her sister today, so i was like WELL SHE CAN COME OVER TOO!...so my mom picked em both up on her way home. we freakin had teh MOST extreme snow ball fight EVER last night at like 11:30, lol. it was AGRRESIVE HARDCORE SNOWBALLING (which me and allie both think should b an xgames sport next year, lol) today we sat around in our jammies and played monopoly and prety much like dane cook said we all pretty much sad F**K THIS GAME!!!!!!! and quite FAR before the end, lol. so then we watched video IQ on fuse and screamed out the answers to the screen. yes this is how we occupy our snow day, shut it!

not much else had been goin on...the first week of classes was pretty good...i can already tell how the semester is gonna go....chemistry is prolly gonna b lotsa fun, world civ is prolly gonna b boring (i have nobody in there, cept for michael who sits across the room) pre cal is prolly gonna b HARD AS BALLS, and spanish will prolly b a breeze (plus elise is in der!).

thats bout it for now i guess...

well...this is wat i havta say so DEAL!

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 22:59:44 GMT

i really dont think people have ever gotten on my nerves so much...and like people i am usually friends with (which makes me REALLY sad, to have these feelings about people i luvs to pieces!)

....but i LOVE music, and i mean its one of the only things i have. i have my grades in school (which have lately been going down hill), i have my best friend allie (but i have this feeling we're growing apart because i never have time to see her anymore) and i have MUSIC, and that will NEVER die.

so why do people keep trying to rob me of the ONLY thing that makes me totally and completely happy!?!??!! everybody now days is soooo fascinated with validating themselves over others in how much they no about a certain band, or liking them BEFORE everybody else, or not liking a band because theyve become to comercial or have "sold out". they pick EVERYTHING apart until there's almost nothing left. telling somebody they arent good enough to do wat they love is the worst thing a person can say so somebody who's just trying to be themselves.
i hate to be the one who has to say wat everybody else is thinking...but u are NOT any better than the rest of us, u do NOT deserve to listen to a band more than anybody else, u are NOT all knowing about the current music scene so leave us alone and let us enjoy it without making us feel like crap!!!!!

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. ~bob marley~

sigh

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 05:26:47 GMT

exams are finally over, and new classes are starting. its quite a breath of fresh air! (well except for that looming wonder of wat my grades are EEEK!)

ahh im exhausted from this week...and weekend for that matter. It really just seems like the number of hours in the day just doesnt cater to the number my life uses up!

allie came home w/ me friday and we went to the levy w/ my mommy that night. we went to dinner, shopped, got ICE CWEEM! and saw in good company. it was a nice little girls night out, hehe. this morning i had to wake up early though for a dive meet which lasted FOREVER! there were so many freakin girls there...all of which looked like theyd been diving since like kindergarten (talk about a punch to my self confidence, lol) i came home and ate and (im sry allie) zonked out on my bed...i dont even remember wen allie left, lol. i was out like that *SNAP!*

im EXCITED though! i have a class w/ elise and a class w/ tim and...i forget who else but i think itll b a good semester! YAY!

exam week has arrived!!!....everybody run off and join the circus!

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 22:53:25 GMT

this weekend was pretty hectic...friday i had a diving meet ( i was ONE point away from second, lol). then saturday i had to go to a meeting for people to people (student ambassador thingy) and that seemed to last FOREVER!...especially wen i had to pee, lol. then after that me and my parents drove up to columbus for my cousin's second bday party. chuck e cheese was freakin CRAZY with screaming kids! AHHH! but their pizza makes up for it, hehe. sunday of course was diving practice, but then i hadta come home and attempt the DUMBEST homework of my intire life!!!! WHO HATES MATH??? oh yeah, ME!

and then...exam week bagan DUN DUN DUUUUN! im so stresssed out about it cuz i have to get a 92 on my math exam to keep an A in there...and probably about the same grade on my biology exam GRRRR! but i am DETERMINED to get the grades i need, I WILL NOT GET A B!!!!!!!!! (i no everybody is prolly like omg u have an A just shut up, but seriously...its not an option for me to get a B)

thats bout it for now...nothin exciting goin on cuz i no longer have a life

wat a WONDERFUL new year....

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 21:10:33 GMT

new years was alright...i went to ashely's house cuz she was havin a party. i didnt really know anybody except for allie and elise who came w/ me and katie and kev and chelsey who came a lil later. to tell the truth i had more fun AFTER most the poeple left, cuz i felt kinda uncomfortable. the next morning my mommy picked me up and we went to bob evans in our pjs, lol.

other than that....its not been the BEST of weeks...im kinda confused and i dunno...its just good that its been raining to suit my spirit this week.

Just punch me in the face now!

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 22:10:59 GMT

okey, monday i went to the dmv w/ my mom to try to get my temps...but wen we pulled up, there was a sign on teh door that said the place had been closed for two hours because of ROAD CONDITIONS!...and then today my dad took me and wen we got in there we gave em alla my papers and crap, but then they were like ooooh this isnt ur REAL father, he cant sign for u. so THEN we called my mom and she left work and hauled butt down to the dmv office, and we FINALLY Got the mothers to let me test! and i DID pass!!!!!! yay!

but just so everybody knows...the dmv is now called SATANS ASS HOLE!...and its run by a buncha nazis!

**thanx chelsea but now theres no need to make fake IDs w/ names like la fawnduh!**

xmas fun!

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 22:54:09 GMT

christmas has come like WAY too fast! xmas eve i went to allie's house for her family's xmas party. her parents gave me pj pants for christmas! I LUV DEM!!! they had super yum yum food! big italian families no how to do up some cookin!

I went home and me and my parents watched the christmas story like three times...then we unwrapped one gift (i got the DANE COOK dvd from my daddy!!!) then i watched that (wat an appropriate xmas movie! lol). that is about the FUNNIEST thing ever! wen i woke up on christmas we unwrapped our presents...i didnt get very many cuz my parents are giving me money for my trip to europe this summer, but thats fine w/ me! my daddy got me perfume...and the first thing my mom said about it was "SMELLS LIKE A WHORE!!!" *tear* o well! ill smell like a whore if i wanna!!!! lol, jk (it really doesnt...shes crazy!).Then later on that day we drove up to my papas. the day after xmas alla my uncles and aunts and cousins and other family members came over and pigged out on food and gave presents. That night we drove home and my sis and brother came w/ us.

Ysterday me and my sis and my mom went out. we went to the dmv (or as i now refer to it SATANS ASS HOLE!) to test for my tempsbut they were CLOSED cuzza road conditions!!!!! A holes! but then we went shopping and returned some gifts and stuffs like that....
then (four hours late) i went to tims house cuz everybody was havin the gift exchange there. ELISE gave me a mcr shirt! I LUV HER!!!!

today has been a big ol day of cleaning and sittin...BUT we did watch napolean dynamite!!!!! SO THAT ROCKED!!!!! lol...that movie is random as hell! HILARIOUS!

OH! and i found out that my lil sister (shes 13) likes the used! AAAAND my chemical romance! AAAAND senses fail! i wanna take her to the taste of chaos tour really really bad! but ill b lucky if I EVEN get to go! pffft! wish me luck in that department!!!

first weekend of winter break

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 05:07:28 GMT

friday i was grounded...so i sat around the house while my parents were at a christmas party OOOH FUN!

satruday i had to test for tae kwon do (im pretty sure i passed but w/ my luck i totally failed) and i was GONNA test for my temps but the dmv wuld b CLOSED On saturdays!!!!!! bizznotches! but elise did come over FINALLY! (this is where a bright light shines and angels hold out a sustained note of beautifulness, lol) its definately about time! we went to get my xmas tree and then we sat around eatin chili and watchin the beautiful boys of mcr and the used!...cuz thats just how we roll, aight?

then sunday elise left cuz i had diving, but allie came over right after, lol. my mom took us out shopping but everywhere was already closed...so we just went drivin around in empty parkin lots so i can practice. it were fun!

then today allie went home and i sat around workin on gettin money for my trip to europe...i think im sick too. i have felt like crap today and i just wanna curl up in bed and die!

well thats how the awesomeness of winter break began......

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 21:31:26 GMT

im kinda goin out of my head right now...and to tell u the truth im not like 100% sure y!!!!!!! do u have to have a reason to feel like your dying inside?!?! i dont no wat it is but i like slip in and out of these weird moods and i just feel like screaming! i guess im just a psycho....i guess i shouldnt really complain wen nothing is REALLY wrong....

i do kinda have alot of stress on me right now....i owe alot of money like within a week for my trip to europe....my grades feel like they're falling....i have ALL of these after school stuffs and i just dont feel like i can keep up.....but im prolly just bein a baby, ill get over it soon enough.

i just wish i can get over it....soon

viva las vegas!

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 00:00:32 GMT

this friday my parents went away to vegas...so i had a weekend of ALLIE! i went to her house after school fri and tim and nathan came and we all watched oceans eleven...then thats right we went to the movies and watched oceans TWELVE! lol, we wuld watch two movies RIGHT IN A ROW! o well...then me and allie pigged out at dairy quenn cuz the food was just too damn good...yeah that was right after we all had a hawaiian pizza at allies house, lol.
saturday me and al sat around aaaaaaaall day watchin americas next top model marathon and eatin these chocolate things that were hella good! lol. and OMG THE MOST EXCITING PART!....at blockbuster that night we found a section called special interest! and its got led zeppelin and skateboarding dvds and stuffs! lol, yes i no i dont skateboard but i can watch dogtown and z boys if i want! im NOT a poser damn it!!!!!!! ...but a very disappointing part to the night...NO GARAGE DAYS AGAIN! weve tried liek three times and its always been out! GRRRR TO THAT MOVIE THAT WE WANNA SEE REAL BAD!
sunday we went to the mall....aaaaand we ate at our favorite restraunt...that will remain nameless *cough*cough* lol. yeah al u no wat im tlkin bout!
so then it was back to school for melissa and allie *TEARZ* and that was my weekend w/o parents, aint it full of exciting and daring things like containing sex, drugs, and rock and roll?!?!?!?!!? i no im livin on da edge!

insomnia returns!

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 09:24:17 GMT

i used to lay in bed all night not able to sleep because of stress or just being abnormal i dunno...but then it went away for like a long time. BUUUUUT im afraid its here w/ us again! for the past...maybe month....i cant sleep at all!!!! i dunno wat it is, i lay there just thinkin bout the most random shit. then wen its morning im tired as hell, and i like almost pass out through the day. last night i laid there till like three and then i slept for a cuple hrs at like five at night....but now at FOUR THIRTY in the mornin i CANNOT convince myself to just pass out on my bed. WAT IS MY PROBLEM!?! i think i need dem sleepin pills...and then those pills that wake ya back up. then id b JUST FINE N DANDY!